When you keep your confidence high, nothing can stop you. Most importantly, no one will be able to stop you.
Confidence is a word that is thrown around a lot to justify some people’s actions. ‘He has no confidence in you, that’s why he didn’t want to work on this project with you’. Saying this is supposed to make it all ok. The truth is that we lack self-confidence so much that there is just no way we can manage certain tasks or projects because we do not deem ourselves worthy. The truth be told, we should all have confidence in ourselves before we even try to have confidence in someone else.
‘With confidence, you have won before you have started.’ Marcus Garvey
We are all born with confidence. A lot of people say, “Oh I lost confidence in myself after this or that happened”. If you ask “Where did your confidence go? To the shops for a shopping spree? Or on a trip somewhere in the world?”. We do not lose our confidence, we just get side-tracked at times and start believing what other people tell us This makes us more vulnerable and less confident in our true selves.
Can you identify with the following behaviors? Are you confident or do you lack self-confidence?
#1 Do you act in alignment with what you want?
If you act according to what you want and not according to what others may think, you are self-confident. If you act according to how others think, you have lower self-confidence.
#2 Do you take risks?
If you take risks and go above and beyond your limits, you are self-confident. If you stay within your comfort zone and fear failure, you have lower self-confidence.
#3 Do you admit your mistakes?
If you admit your mistakes and learn from them you are self-confident. If you work hard to cover up your mistakes rather than fix and admit them then you have lower self-confidence.
#4 Do you wait for others to congratulate you?
You are self-confident if you wait for others to congratulate you on what you have accomplished. You have lower self-confidence if you speak about your accomplishments to as many people as will listen.
#5 Can you accept compliments?
You are self-confident if you can accept compliments. If you dismiss compliments you lack self-confidence.
Are there some points where you seem to be less confident than others? Not being confident all the time is normal. However, it is possible to control a lack of confidence and build it up over time.
OK, then how is self-confidence built?
It is important to set off the right triggers and put together the right strategies to boost self-esteem.
Identify what makes you loose self-confidence
One strategy is to identify what triggers your lack of confidence. This could be talking to men or women, for example, or having a meeting with your boss. Once you have identified this, look at how you react to the situation. Do you go into a corner and no longer want to talk to anyone? Do you say negative things to yourself such as ‘this will never go well anyway, might as well not even try talking to that person’? Now that you have identified how you react in situations where you might have low self-confidence, you can try to change your reactions. You can take control of your self-esteem and boost it high enough to achieve anything you set your mind to.
Make a plan to change
Now that you have identified what you need to change, figure out a plan that works for you in order to change it. For instance, if you have issues talking to people of the opposite sex, try practicing on a friend first. Try talking to total strangers little by little before approaching the person that makes you most uncomfortable.
Become aware of your body language
Become aware of your body language when you are ill at ease and consciously open your arms if they are crossed and give full attention and eye contact to the person you are talking to. Change that little voice in your head that says you can’t, and tell yourself that you can. Be mindful.
Get a friend to help
You can even enlist the help of a friend by having them point out to you every time you say something negative about yourself that might lower your self-esteem. This will help you to start becoming aware of how badly you speak to yourself and allow you to change it and get back that self-confidence that is in you.
Give yourself positive thoughts
You have the power to become what you want to be. How we see ourselves and how we think of ourselves is under our control, and we should not let society or anyone tell us how we should be. We should remove our negative thoughts about ourselves and change them into productive thoughts that will then turn into positive ones in the long run. This enables us to become our ideal selves.
If you liked this blog, check out the one on Body language, which will also explain how a person might show a lack of confidence. Or read Mindfulness, which teaches us how to be better as a person rather than be the product of society.
Should you need help in boosting your inner confidence, we at MKB Excellent Executive Coaching can help you get from where you are to where you want to be!
From the MKB Excellent Executive Coaching Team